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prom was awesome. :] it could have been better, but it also could have been a lot worse. my friends were awesome at not making me feel left out (though i DID feel left out during the slow dances, but there were only two, so that was good). i danced a whole lot, and just had an awesome time. i saw willy and megan there, and it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i had been dreading it, and when i did see them i felt slightly awkward, but it was fine. meg-han (nickname, and so there's not as much confusion) was dancing with me a lot and wanted me to dance so he would see me in plain sight, but i wasn't down with that, haha. ;] so yeah..we danced a lot and had a great time at the actual dance, i didn't want to leave when we had to, so you know i was having fun. lol.
then we got back to the limo and drove down to the venitian so ride the gondolas, but they were all booked up so we walked around a little bit. we took picture with those british guard guys, and that was pretty funny. he smelled good. i danced up on him, but he didn't do anything. i didn't expect him to, but it was still fun. :]
then we went to the rio for dinner, which was pretty good. the atmosphere and stuff was better than the food (i thought at least, i didn't eat much). they had really loud music playing, so we were all dancing around in our seats. then when we got up, i danced with zach for a minute. that was pretty sweet :]
after dinner, we had to get the limo back, so our cool driver jim took us back to my friend briana's and gave us girls roses. :] then we all piled into pedro's car to go to my buddy claudia's party. we got there, and it was waaaay shady. there was no music, and a bunch of ghetto kids who were all drunk. we stepped in, then immediately stepped out. i later got a ridiculously drunk call from claudia, haha. she was cool with me leaving..so that was nice. after that, we went to starbucks then back home. all in all, it was a pretty great night. :D
i feel super bad though..i really like zach. but briana has for so long..and he likes her too, but i think he likes me? i don't know..he's talked to kaylee about it, liking me. but i don't know if he's being 100% serious or saying it because it pisses kaylee off, haha. he says things to me that are like..hints or whatever that he does, but i can't tell if that's just his personality. we were i guess flirting through dinner..we kept looking at eachother and smiling and stuff. and near the end of the night, i started feeling sick. my head was hurting and so was my stomach. so i got to lean on him a bit in the car, which i enjoyed. :] and he kept asking me how i was feeling, so that made me feel better. haha. and he stole my number from kaylee's phone (lol) a little while ago, and sunday almost afternoon he sent me text telling me he was glad that i came and hoped i had a good time and that i was feeling better. i sent him one back and said that i had a great time and i was feeling better. and he asked if i wanted to hang out this weekend. i don't know if he meant just him (i doubt that), but regardless it will be fun. i just feel so bad though..i guess he told kaylee that he hasn't asked briana out because she's leaving state for college. so i don't know..i just feel really bad. briana has been such a good friend to me in the short time that i've known her, and i really don't want to be THAT girl. i hate THAT girl.
on a plus side, i'm not mad anymore. :D
i had a nice realization today during english..i'm just not mad at willy anymore. i still hate megan, and what he did is still just as wrong, but i'm not mad. i'm completely over it, i have no reason to be mad at anything because it's doing no good. in english, we made eye contact for a SPLIT second, and usually that would send my heart all crazy and make me feel bad. but i felt nothing. absolutely nothing. and that was the greatest feeling. then later, i heard this girl say something about megan to him or whatever, which would in the past get my blood boiling and put me in a super bad mood. but it again, did nothing.
i'm so happy, finally.
so, this goes out to you:
i forgive you. you're not the same person that i fell in love with anymore, not even the same person i became friends with. you've changed so much into someone i don't know anymore, and i can't be mad at that. we all change, it's just sad that i don't even talk to someone anymore that i shared so much with, told things to i've never told anyone. but it happens, and i realize that now. i had hoped that being friends would somehow ease the pain of losing you as someone to be in love with, but it didn't. it only hindered the process. even though cutting you out was the hardest thing i've ever had to do (even though you helped that), it was also the best thing i've ever had to do. it let me heal. and it enabled me to take a step back and re-think everything. i have no more hard feelings, i have no more anger towards the situation.
i forgive you.
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